Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Letting go....

I visited him before I left, gave him the letter I wrote him. I was hesitant at first but later decided to just get it over with. 'Him' in this case is Smiley, this is coz his smile will take your breath away (at least mine) We talked, we agreed, there was no way we could start a relationship with the distance between us. I am not a fan of (Long Distance Relationships (LDR) and he in his own words says "LDR's are a no-no for me". So we decided to let go cos it was the logical, adult, responsible, smart, right (I've run out of oyinbo) thing to do. I have then realized that there are sometimes when the right thing feels so wrong, I started having second thoughts: what if I have passed up my one chance at true love and happiness? Isn't it said that when you want something, you go for it and damn all consequences and all obstacles become surmountable? Guess we didn't want it bad enough, but then again, who would blame us? We had barely known each other for 5 months and seen ourselves a total of 3 times. Yeah we've got great chemistry (physics sef) over the phone, we totally jelled, have similar thoughts, ideas and attitude towards issues/life, Smiley makes me laugh, I feel safe and I like the person I am around him but then again, what does that count for in the grand scheme of things? I mean, I've never even kissed the guy, I don't know his genotype (which I think is very important by the way coz I am not gonna start a relationship that is genetically doomed) and a lot more stuff I am yet to discover. A LDR in our case would have been silly and childish of us, so we are doing the adult thing (even that doesn't make it hurt less). It's been over a month since I last saw him and communication between us has been strained, we're both guilty of not making effort. I'm trying to 'deal' by limiting contact and I dunno what is excuse is. I'm drawing solace in a Yoruba adage that translates as: The water that one is destined to drink will surely not flow past him/her". It is also said that "if you Love/treasure something/someone, set them free; and if it/they are yours, it/they will surely come back to you". So I have let go, I have set free and I am waiting......

9 comments:

  1. hmmn..you can only hope but dont wait..
    waitin keeps you wantin and if by chance you dont have it, that will sure hurt you more..

    All the best in findin the right one..

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  2. i am so sorry

    went through this about a year ago

    and when i think about it, it still
    hurts a little

    so i hope you feel better soon...

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  3. Just try and stay in touch, talk more, it helps at least so u dont lose wateva connection u have. Watever will be will be ok

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  4. @Tisha, Thanks, I just wish I could fastfoward time and be in a time and place where I am over this. I know time heals all but is there a way to speed up the process? @Neo, talking makes me miss him more, but yes, I still want the connection.

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  8. hmmm i guess whatever will be will...

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